THATGUYSHADOW (FLORIDA MAN)

FLORIDA MAN has been hoarding tacos in his basement for years, 87 years, 2 months, 5 days, 3 hours, 21 minutes, 52 seconds, and 420 milliseconds by now. His strange addiction has lead to multiple conspiracies, but this would have never happened, if [EVENT ZER0] had never happened. A brief summary will be warranted, agent. It is currently unknown the duration of this addiction of taco, while we state it has been 87 years, 2 months, 5 days, 3 hours, 21 minutes, 52 seconds, and 420 milliseconds, that is since the first recorded event of hoarding. Now on to the events of [EVENT ZER0], by this time, he had recently filled his complete basement. He had not evolved into {FLORIDIAN SHADOW-2] by this point, though the earliest signs of this stage was around 50 years ago. {FLORIDIAN SHADOW-2] is a recurring and unfortunately the most common form. It is the point of evolution and de-evolution, he is converted into a skeletal being, extremely malnourished, with abnormal mass in it's upper body, specifically the form's arms. Such an anatomy, is basically Walmart-SCP-096, anyways, the physical force of the form is able to completely destroy nearly every material we have been able to present it with. If we can establish a permanent entrance to it's home, we could possibly contain it, while preventing any breaches of secrecy or dangers to the public. There are extreme amounts of tacos visibly flooding the entire basement region of their house. We sent a 60 dollar gopro drone from eBay in, and by this point, FLORIDA MAN had been in a state of {FLORIDIAN SHADOW-2], for months. It seemed he was digging, clear through bricks, metal, rebar, concrete, even through metal pipes. All, to expand storage for it's taco hoarding addiction, for some reason they are of EXTREME value to the entity, do not extract any tacos from what we have now designated [FLORIDIAN-SH3LT0R}. The entity enters an extremely enraged state, whether they are in {FLORIDIAN SHADOW-2] form, or not. We have observed countless times, our soldiers being ripped apart, torn to pieces, and then tossed in the ocean of tacos, to seemingly be.. consumed. FLORIDA MAN is seen to nearly never consume nutrition, rarely it will shove parts of a kind of meat, into it's mouth. The sustenance will then be practically liquified by the rapid spinning motion of its jagged, long, spiked teeth. It seems to often wear a tissue or mask to conceal such a disfigured crevice from view. The entity lives in extreme poverty, due to rapidly creating or purchasing tacos, then stashing them in the basement. Only a count of 9 times, has it been observed every 5 days, to eat from its collection. It is unknown how it has survived past 3 days, with its extremely malnourished state as well, Though the creature is extremely unhuman. An interview with stabestabe/SpacedOutJojo is following "I hate tacos if they have cilantro on them, but he seems like the bitch who puts it on them." As soon as these words were uttered, THATGUYSHADOW aka Florida man, entered the bunker where the taco lords resided, it attempted to attack them, but was soon propelled out by the grappling defense division. Unfortunately for our skeleton friend here, during the summer, the extreme heat will melt the ocean of tacos. Yes melt, if he was able to prevent this, he definitely would, this period of time is so shocking that he will simply use his elongated tongue and curve it into a tube, where he will suction taco goop out, this process seems to relieve any stress or anger, even saving the life of a low ranking bread scout who had stumbled upon the hoard. During this 90 minute period of suction, he relocates his jagged teeth into his tongue tube, while rapidly re-arranging them to completely break down any hard taco parts, this is extremely important as their are YEAR OLD tacos, harder than concrete, but that doesn't stop from enjoying a nice meal. Long ago, he would simply purchase new space, but the cost has become too much, so he just digs more space, as I have previously mentioned. He does not mind munching on a 5 year old taco every 5 days, it brings extreme joy, and nostalgia for those times. For excavation, he uses borderline fossilized tacos, sharper than any of his claws or teeth, to eradicate any unused space. He will also attach them to his teeth, then burrow a hole and shove tacos in to save their flavor. His addiction has been going so long, so strong UwU senpai, that he has had to resort to create dimensional portals, simply for additional space to hoard. Even using time magic to speed up the aging process in order to fossilized and truly preserve the taco essence. And all this, this is all worth it, for that Saturday night, 3 am, snack of five tacos into his mouth. He's devolved into a shadow creature, a mere skeleton, with enough force to rip open a tear in space time continuum bullshit, to make a portal to store tacos, he uses quantum bullshit to age tacos faster, and he uses salt made from his own crushed fingernails to season and further preserve his precious tacos. This entity wakes up once every 420 years to steal the universe's supply of tacos, and we can only pray the next time it does, the world doesn't rest as it shall as well. Nobody has heard of this man ever since the incident, but the followers of this act do know that he is being held contained by his own will and abrasiveness. If this shadowing like creature is released again, or tempered with, the ending towards the entire Mexican rations may never be seen once again.

[THATGUYSHADOW:FLORIDAMAN/DATESENT:1803,04,23]

Additional information, Mask is a donut, Shadow is a taco, once a month they perform a ritual so that cake does not take over the universe. Which encourage the Taco and Donut gods to to summon adequate power to kill the Cake god, devil of their world, before he has a chance to rebirth a second time in a life. The ritualistic property is known further on as [EV3NT 2B], details are currently unknown, as only the power of all the divine deity trio can access the hidden knowledge.

We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long

Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling

Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give, never gonna give

(Give you up)

We've known each other for so long

Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

~Seth Rogan